Can we actually be the cause of how chaotic our children are?

My peaceful day with the boys, but not one minute to myself.

 

Here we are, two boys and their mother.  Hanging out in a barely furnished new home, trying to live as “normal” of a life as possible during a time of quarantine.  As each day begins, it also ends; one screaming and the other whining.  The constant fighting and bickering are more than anyone human can handle.  Only several minutes in between are filled with their laughter that quickly turns into a tug of war match over some ridiculous toy that has laid in the same spot and they haven’t touched in weeks.  Oh, and watch those moments of silence; although the silence is amazing, and it allows for the parents to do as they need; return phone calls or emails, etc., it also means they are up to something.  I have been burned several times this week during these silent moments! 

I write to all parents wondering if you find these items to be true?  Am I the only one who is losing the battle against their children in their own homes?  In an effort to change a chaotic day into a peaceful one, I put down my phone, I didn’t turn on the laptop, and I made sure to be more focused on the boys.  I made sure to let them see that I was more focused on them and allowed them the time to go off and play on their own if they wanted.  But what happened made me realize ‘maybe I hadn’t given them as much attention as I thought I had been’? 

So I played Legos with them, and I mean really played, I sat there for over an hour constructing my own little Lego garden while they put together their weapons or vehicles.  I found pieces that they needed when they couldn’t.  I showed them how to pull the pieces apart without giving up.  And most of all I showed interest.  I know this probably sounds silly to some people reading this, but think about it, when I normally play Legos, I throw together some blocks, and when I realize they are off and running I walk away and try to finish up something else I had on my to-do list. 

I also let them show me how they do things that I tell them not to do.  I may have ground my teeth the whole time, but I allowed them to show me things that made them proud of themselves.  I made sure to remind them how unsafe or how what they were doing shouldn’t be done but I at least gave them that moment of gratitude that they had been looking for.

We even baked and I read the same Dr. Seuss book three times in a row just because they asked.  It was a full day of just their needs.   I realize this is not feasible for everyone every day.  It was just sort of an “aha moment” for me.  Maybe the kids aren’t being bad because they are just bad, maybe they are being bad because they are feeling neglected?  Possibly they aren’t getting the attention they need from me?  And honestly, I believe that is what it was. 

 So all I ask is that when the moment arises when you feel your blood boiling under your skin and you are ready to run for the hills or lock the kids in a room for eternity; try breathing, try taking a step back and think of the day, think to yourself; ‘was I attentive to them enough, truly attentive?’  And you may, just maybe have your answer as to why the chaos is ensuing.  

 

Moving out of state part II

To move or not to move? That is the question…

After about 25 houses in South Carolina and North Carolina, we finally found our calling in a newly developed area that was just perfect in North Carolina!!!  New homes being built as we toured the properties, a pool and kid’s splash area, a gym, and even a coffee bar! I was in HEAVEN! 

 So deciding to move is one thing, actually moving is a completely different thing!  As mentioned we did a lot of looking, approximately three years worth of looking.  My husband would spend hours on the computer sending me information about towns, and of course, I would continue to find reasons as to why it was no good for us.  The poor guy would try so hard to show me these beautiful houses and say; ‘this could be us’, and I would turn around and say, ‘but the front door opens to the right and I prefer to the left’.  HAHA Ok, Ok, I wasn’t that ridiculous, but you get the drift!  

I couldn’t believe that he was actually able to pick up and move out of state like that.  But then as time was nearing that he would be retiring, I started to realize how serious he was about it.  

As the saying goes, ‘things happen for a reason’, things do happen for a reason.  On one of our many trips to South Carolina, we were cruising around and happen to come across an open house, so we went in.  The house was not what we were looking for, but it ended up not being a wasted trip; here we found the sweetest real estate agent.   

This woman would take time out of her already busy schedule to show us 6 to 7 houses a day since we were not local.  She would get us into houses if we just happen to come across them while walking through another house.  She was so accommodating.  

For about 2 months we did everything she could to help us, whether we were in New York or in South Carolina.  Even to the extent of going to houses for us and recording herself walking through as if giving us the tour. 

We saw several houses, most with pretty much the same layout, but we were being outbid before we could even finalize our numbers!  It was as if we hit the jackpot of complexes and people knew it! So if a house went on the market, it quickly came off!!  We had put multiple offers in on multiple houses, continuously either being outbid or out-negotiated. 

With us being back in New York, we knew we would have to take another trip down and as most of you know, flying and hotel accommodations for a family of four doesn’t come cheap.  We were very quickly racking up the credit card bills.  So again, things happen for a reason; all of a sudden, it was there, for sale, a house in our price range, in the neighborhood we wanted and pretty much the exact layout.  So, what would any sane person do?  Of course, without even taking one walkthrough we put a bid of asking price! 

Some would call us crazy, but we just knew, this was it! 

Good morning (although by the time I get this done it may be evening!) 

Quarantine day approximately 40 for this family, but it feels like 1mm. Kids are insane and I am shot, but we have to remember that during this quarantine we have to stay healthy and active. We can’t let the couch potato mindset take over!

Try to make sure your quarantine breakfast includes some fruits and veggies and if you can try some Isagenix, why not!?  It keeps me going!!  

During this time I make sure to take my Ionix and Immunity. The Ionix helps my mood(s) <ha!> and the Immunity is a definite 👍🏼 with all who are getting sick at this time.

Don’t forget to feed the little ones some healthy stuff too!  It is always easier to just throw them a pop tart or a frozen pancake (one of mine eats them frozen!! Hahah), but they need to stay healthy and alert too!  I like to sneak some Immunity into their morning orange juice. As long as I mix it well they have no idea it’s even there. If I don’t mix it well they tell me there is pulp in it! Hahaha no flavor tastes just texture!

(PS – real mom issues – while trying to type this there is a royal rumble occurring upstairs.  Good luck everyone, apart together we can make it through this).

Moving Out of State Part I

To move or not to move? That is the question….

I am sure many of you have thought of just picking up and moving, right? Well, my husband and I have made it our reality. 

Both of us were born and raised in the great state of New York.  I am not a New York City, New Yorker, but I still feel like a “New Yorker.”  I wear a lot of dark clothing, I guess some might say I seem slightly unapproachable, and I am not one to just strike up a conversation with a stranger… More of a wallflower if you will.  But all this aside, I currently do not hold employment, my husband will soon be retired, and our children are young.

Even though New York has so much to offer its residents, it has become overcrowded, very expensive and a “Keeping up with the Jones'” culture.  A rat race, if you will.  So the question truly stands, to move or not to move?

So, with a wife who doesn’t work, a husband who is substantially younger than one should be to officially retire, and two children under the age of 6, why not?

There are many things to think about when you are thinking of moving, especially moving out of state.  The things I asked myself were; is it financially worth it? is it going to be better off for our family dynamic? and how far is too far from extended family? 

We took many trips over approximately three years; some by plane and some towing our travel trailer, to get ideas of areas.  It took a lot of traveling and soul searching for us to find somewhere we thought we could settle down.  Something with fewer taxes and more of a work-life balance.  More bang for your buck sort of state. 

We wanted to make sure that the area was family-oriented.  A mix between up and coming but still a small-town feel.  And while we are a pretty active family, we wanted to make sure the climate would provide us more time outdoors than we currently had in NY. 

And while we would all like to believe moving only has to do with your immediate household, we all know that isn’t true.  Of course, there is the extended family to think about.  So we didn’t want to move too far that they wouldn’t travel to visit or in a location too hot that they wouldn’t want to come and we couldn’t enjoy the outdoors.  

As mentioned we have family that we would visit.  A lot of our family members objected to the thought of us moving out of state and not within the tri-state area.  It took some convincing and a guest room in our new house for them to understand, <HA!>, but all in all, they understood. 

A good family always sticks by and whether they agree wholeheartedly or not, you know they will support you and your decisions.