House Vs. Home?

It is said that home is where the heart is.  I do believe this, but what makes a house a home?  What makes the heart be there? Is it the pitter-patter of baby steps or of pet paws, or a family heirloom, a certain someone or painting?  To everyone the response might be somewhat different. 

As previously mentioned our four-person family has uprooted from New York to North Carolina during the COVID-19 pandemic.   My husband and father of our two very active boys is an essential worker still based in New York, so he has not been with us in North Carolina but for some short trips.  So turning our house into a home is somewhat more difficult than one would hope.  Of course, the first thing our house will need to become a home is all four of us together permanently under this new roof.  Secondly, it is our stuff to fill the rooms, and our laughter to fill the air.  

The boys and I have been hanging out for the past five weeks doing things as normally as possible.  No trips to the stores but taking neighborhood walks and pacing our empty home.  I have come particularly comfortable with online shopping and trying to find fun unique items to fill our home. 

After spending a small fortune, some rooms are coming together, but yet still not that warm and cozy comfy that you would want for your home.  I had ordered a mattress and bed frame for the master bedroom, new loft beds for the boys, some funky cabinets to use as nightstands, and cool barstool seats for the breakfast counter.  But still felt like something was not right.  We spent 5 weeks sitting on the floor watching TV in our living room, the boys loved the space to play and roll and run, so as much as I missed having a couch, I really wasn’t too focused on the fact there wasn’t one. 

As furniture and odds and ends started arriving, being unboxed and unwrapped, we started seeing the house somewhat come together.  But it wasn’t until the family room and loft couches appeared that it suddenly felt like home. As soon as the delivery men placed them in order the boys settled into them and sat, quietly.  

I walked around the house and all of a sudden it happened.  Warmth fell over me and as if I couldn’t wait for my husband to be with us before, now with a completed family room I truly realized the void we had.  

So to all out there.  Take the time to sit back and find your heart to your home.  Ours to me are my three men, a cozy room for us to settle in and a story to start.   I can see us sitting here and enjoying the silence or a movie together.  The boys bringing their friends over or building forts out of the three thousand pillows that came with the sectional sofa.  In this world of chaos, please remember to keep your house a home and love near to your heart.  



Quarantine blues got you down?

Anyone else have the quarantine blues? I sure do.  The fun mom has seemed to have drifted into the horizon and the down in the dumps, no patience, evil mother has emerged.  

I have found myself no longer interfering in the ridiculous fights between my two boys and pretty much allowing them to progress into true duke ’em out brawls.  I’m sure there are many parents out there tisking and shaking their heads at me, but I’m also pretty sure there are some who are sighing in relief, thinking ‘oh thank heavens, it’s not just me.’  It hurts me to hear the wretched voice that comes out of my mouth as I yell at them.  It eats me alive to listen to them cry as I have to separate them from each other and as they scream out ‘mommy’ while I walk away; also removing myself from the situation.  

I worry that the boys will end up hating me when all this is over and they will view this as the most horrible time of their lives.

As much as I say that I am so grateful for this time with them, I do wish I were better equipped; mentally and physically.  In a world where the time goes so fast, and our children age overnight, I pray that I can fix my mood and way of thinking so my family doesn’t regret me.

I am writing this during a brawl in the house.  I allowed throwing of toys and threats from my boys towards each other as I type how horribly I feel about myself and my own actions during such situations.  I stopped typing to separate them into two separate rooms to get their space. While my oldest child cried for me, my youngest locked himself in the room silently.  

I allowed a few minutes to pass and neither of them changed their actions. I walked to the room where my older dude is crying for me. I open the door and tell him with a smirk to stop the crocodile tears and he chuckles. I hold his hand as we walk to my younger guy, unlock the door and he pushes it back to shut it again. Through a slight crack in the door, I ask if he is ready yet.  He mumbles no, so I leave him. 

My older dude sits with me and continues his whine while I put something on TV to watch.  He settles himself onto my legs and starts to enjoy the silence. Before I know it my younger guy creeps out of the other room and nuzzles his face into my neck and then gets comfy on my side.  We all sit in silence and my younger guy whispers; ‘mom, I love you.’  

Ugh. From chaos comes calm and so on and so forth. I pray for everyone stuck at home thinking they aren’t enough. Try and remember the pressure you’re putting on yourself is probably more than anyone else is putting on you, especially those who love you.

Keep your heads up, love the ones who love you, and remember to love yourselves.