Everything I want, I see you in…
Where were you when your child said something to you that you never in a million years you thought they would be thinking, none the less say?
Well, we just got a puppy; yup, a puppy! Soo, you know; two young boys, a pandemic, moving 5 states away from ‘home’ and a whole new world of homeschooling; so why not add a puppy?
The whole family is trying to add more regiment to our daily and now there is a puppy in the mix to try and train. Our oldest is VERY excited, to say the least. He hovers over the puppy, follows the puppy, and is always trying to hold the puppy. We ask him repeatedly to leave the puppy alone, to be gentle, and do not smother it. He gets so excited and crazed that it can become overwhelming as a parent to all-day constantly say the same thing over and over again.
So yesterday was the day. It had come to a point where I could see it was getting to my husband how often he had to say the same thing to our oldest about how he was behaving with the pup, so I separated my oldest from my husband and the pup and took him inside to just spend some time with him alone. He sat at the breakfast bar while I put dishes away requesting his dessert. I walked over to him and stared him straight in the face and said; “you know you are a good boy, right? you know that we all love you and know that you are a good boy, right? But what you need to know is that when you get very excited and start to act uncontrolled, people will forget that you are a good boy and you could get yourself in trouble.” He was actually looking me in the eye as I spoke to him.
My oldest guy is super sensitive, he tries to turn everything into a joke if he is uncomfortable with the situation. He uses humor as his self-defense and cowers at confrontation. He can be very confident in himself when it comes to certain things, but can also hide in the shadows when he feels inferior. It has been hard to get him to focus on one thing, he often starts to look around as if not interested and is generally set on a one-track mind of video games, cartoons and making sure his younger brother isn’t touching any of his toys. He is better in one on one situations and is very attentive to the person who is attentive to him.
As I spoke to him, with my hand on his and us eye to eye; I could see soo much love in him. I could feel his hurt of how much he feels misunderstood. I tried to reassure him of how much he is loved and how much we understand that he is a good boy and that we know he means well. I asked him if he understood what I was telling him. I asked him if he understood what I was saying; he said yes. I started walking away to head back towards the sink when I heard him say “everything I want,” and I said “what?”, so with all seriousness in his face, he looked me straight in the eyes and repeated, “everything I want, I see in you.” I honestly was shocked, I didn’t know if he knew what he was saying, “what does that mean?” I asked, “I love you,” he said.
And that was the moment, I want to remember forever.