and so I cleaned
I didn’t clean for a visitor, I didn’t clean because the kids made a mess (because that is normal), I didn’t organize and call that cleaning. I took out the antibacterial spray and paper towels and I sprayed everything and wiped everything. Now, this may seem to be a strange thing to write about, as I am sure many do this often; 2 to 3 times a day, I am sure. But for me, I wipe counters down with a soapy sponge hide things in the cabinets and just walk away. Clean enough, I scoff to myself.
But today, I felt like crap. For a few days, I had felt like crap. Tried taking showers, still felt like crap, trying to eat less crap, never succeeding making me feel more crappy. I would run my fingers through my hair to find many, MANY extra strands of hair falling from my head. I would look in the mirror and see the awesome bags under my eyes, the awesome shiny, oily skin, the scraggly hair, and my own sad, reflection looking back at me.
So, I put on my big girl pants (I actually did put on pants, it was only 60 degrees and cloudy in NC), and I went into the kitchen and I cleaned. I got out the antibacterial multi-surface cleaner and I sprayed. I wiped down all the countertops. I scrubbed and scrubbed the electric stovetop. I put away all the junk that was sitting on the counters. I swept up the floors and made sure all the Bermuda grass that makes its way into our house was gone.
Again, this might sound silly, but the kitchen in our house is connected to the living room, which is where the kids spend most of their time. The kitchen is where I spend most of my time, either preparing them a meal, playing on my laptop, or just standing around watching the boys. So, if that is a cluttered mess, I absorb it. I absorb it all, the good, the bad, or the indifferent. I think that when you start ignoring your surroundings, you don’t realize how it impacts your body and self.
I was allowing myself to slip into a bad place. Mentally cluttering my mind with the clutter that I was allowing to form in my living space. By cleaning up my living space, I felt as though I had cleared some of my mental space too. I suddenly felt a sense of relief from something I didn’t realize was weighing me down.
After the cleaning was done, the boys and I took a much-needed nature trek and enjoyed the great outdoors. It was a good morning and afternoon of actually no fighting. I hope to be able to clear up some more space, mentally and physically. I am realizing my body is a sponge, and as tough as I may think I am, I can’t shut out everything all the time.